celebrity crush of the week: role model
Photo courtesy: Giovanni Rufino/AMAZON, Los Angeles Times, MTV, & me
A RUNNING ROSTER OF PEOPLE I’M H-WORD FOR…
To nobody’s surprise, i “like” someone every 3-6 years.
i am an impossible human to date and have a very specific type: over 6’2, can lift me with ease, looks good soaking wet, and is not subscribed to On Purpose with Jay Shetty.
Ideally, he’s 9-12 years my senior with a single divorce under his belt, and an inability to figure out what makes me laugh – but in constant pursuit of that exact formula.
Three men in history have met these requirements.
Because of such scarcity, it’s important to have a constant rotation of celebrities to which i can fixate on for a week or until i snap out of it, and do my laundry.
i AM AN ILL WOMAN! but i’m banking that the four of you reading this, plus my former stalker (hi james!), and gaggle of ex-best friends share said sickness, too.
So! in the spirit of h*rny girls, gays, and theys across the globe, i give you the official celebrity crush list of 2024:
**With love and light, send help
PS: i’ll be adding and/or redacting individuals from this *resource* so circle back.
Celebrity crush, April 12: Role Model
What can I say, all roads lead to Emma Chamberlain and it was only a hop, jump, and skip until I landed into the sad boy arms of her now ex-BF, Role Model (aka Tucker Harrington Pillsbury).
Am I personally responsible for 632K views on this banger? No (yes).
Celebrity crush, April 1: Vince Staples
i am the founding father of the church of Saint Vincent. xx
Celebrity Crush, March 23: Dev Patel
While everyone was on the hunt for the princess of whales, not a single day goes by where i do not question the whereabouts of Dev Patel’s finsta.
Celebrity crush, March 15: Christopher '“CT” Tamburello
You ask me what i see when i close my eyes? Castle daddy’s two-second cameo in Road House alongside Jake – darks me very much out – Gyll*nhl, on repeat.
Celebrity Crush, March 1: Scooter Braun
The way Scooter Braun is unfortunately exactly my type...